Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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