Life is so much better after having sex.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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