dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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