I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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