Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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