it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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