True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
