Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
