you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
