sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
