We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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