Your dad touched me again.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
