I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
