Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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