just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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