I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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