R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
