he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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