Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
