How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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