no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
