i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
