the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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