So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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