I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
