That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
