Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
