he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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