some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
