did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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