Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
