She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
