Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
farters have to be the big spoon...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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