I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
