Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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