I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
