He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize