p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
