i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
