i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
im on a boat
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