If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize