We're facebook friends in real life
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize