Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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