just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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