Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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