I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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