i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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