I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
