goodnight i made you a song goodbye
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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