I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
