I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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