I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
