closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
