Kiss
Puke
I am puke
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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