i think my mom watched the whole time
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
