I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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