You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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