just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize