no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
