Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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