I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Randomize
