at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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