just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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