Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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