I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
