I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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