it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
