i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
